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I was recently chatting with a girlfriend over coffee about relationships. We were talking about date night amidst busy schedules and trying to find a balance for financial considerations, scheduling difficulties, and plain ole being tired. I suggested to my friend that she and her hubby schedule a recurring date night. Every other (insert day here) is marked on the calendar as date night. She paused for a minute, got really quiet, and said, “but doesn’t that make it seem boring? Scheduling romance?”.
On some level, I’m inclined to agree with my friend. There is that romantic whim of spontaneous date nights, where you have a free evening and whisk away downtown to a fancy restaurant. I don’t know about you, but between client meetings, babysitter availability, and an overall lack of energy (thank you toddler sleep regression)—my spontaneity has taken a backseat. I hit my couch in my pajamas and zzzz….. Amen?
Scheduling date night is not an admission of lost spontaneity, rather it is prioritizing your marriage! We schedule massages, playdates, and other fun activities, why not date nights? By choosing to make date night a priority, you are choosing your marriage. Choose to pursue your spouse with notes or texts about your excitement for your time together. State specifically what you are looking forward to! Brush off those old flirting skills (I KNOW you have them) and begin seducing your spouse BEFORE the date begins!
The National Marriage Project tells us here that those couples who set aside weekly couple time are 3.5 times more likely to report “very happy” in their marriage as opposed to those who do not. Even further, they tell us Date Night will increase communication, novelty (there’s that spontaneity!), commitment, sexual interest, and relaxation. Now this site provides wonderful detail about the benefits of date night—but here are some tips to help reclaim your romance with a consistent date night:
1. Try new things!
While dinner and a movie is lovely, brainstorm some activities that you both have been wanting to try and make it happen! Nobody said date night has to be at night…
2. Take turns planning
Sharing the planning opportunities can decrease the to-do list mentality of date night while increasing creativity and excitement. If you prefer to make plans together, take turns with ownership of all the details (reservations, directions, etc.)
3. Leave the Kids (and work!) at home
Despite that temptation to answer a quick email or check-in with the babysitter, leave your phone in your pocket. Avoid conversations that involve your kids, work, or any topics of conflict. This is your time to engage with your spouse without having to manage your household or work expectations. Need something to talk about?? Try the Gottman Card Deck app for question prompts.
4. Be realistic
Of course a fancy dinner at Ruth’s Chris is super awesome and exciting, but every date night does not have to be about spending the money. If your family has a budget, then be realistic with your expectations and expenditures. Try a free outdoor movie and bring your own picnic! Or get Chipotle and go listen to some live music. There are so many options that require very little in the form of money. Get creative!
So here we are, moment of truth. When is your next date night?