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We have been to (and in!) our fair share of weddings. We love weddings—great dancing, great food, the overall ambiance that screams beauty and love and romance. It’s exhilarating! One of my dearest friends recently got engaged and of course, you want to hear about the proposal, the dress, setting the date, etc. But in the midst of this wedding season, part II (because September is the new June!), we want to consider four things that sometimes get overlooked amidst the tulle and frosting. We hope that taking these into consideration will help you to, not only, reclaim your marriage before it starts, but also to reclaim your wedding celebration.
1. What is the purpose of a wedding ceremony?
A wedding, at its core, is a public declaration of your commitment to your partner before your community, your family, and God. You are vowing to honor your partner through various promises that you will keep, till death do you part. This sacred tradition is celebrated across generations, across cultures, across religions. So if this is the point—how do we then navigate the 1,459 choices you have to make about every minute of the wedding day? The first step is to make it your own, together. If this day is about your love for your partner and what you are promising to them, then the rest is extra. Beautiful extra. Delicious extra. But extra. Keep your day in perspective of what really matters. We challenge you to find a couple that you respect, and ask about their wedding day. What were their favorite moments? What are the things that strike them as most important after 5, 10, 50 years of marriage. Check out our video for more on this topic.
2. Did I pick the right partner?
We are all familiar with the concept of cold feet, wedding day jitters, etc. So how can you be certain that you are walking down the aisle to the right person. First and foremost, there is no such thing as a perfect partner. Let me say that again. There is no such thing as a perfect partner. We are humans, we are sinful, we are imperfect. We will let our partners down, and our partners will let us down. It is inevitable. But that is a beautiful thing! There is so much freedom knowing that you are growing with your partner as they are growing with you. However, there are some things to consider and discuss before your big day. Check out our video.
3. What am I expected to do/be/feel?
After the glow of your wedding day and honeymoon start to cement into your brain as a memory, you suddenly find yourselves in these new roles of husband or wife. This is something you have been looking forward to, and perhaps dreaming of, since the moment you knew you would spend your life with this person. However, like all new things, there is a learning curve when adjusting to your new role. Have frequent, honest, ongoing conversations with your partner about these roles and what they will look like. These conversations don’t have to wait until after the I do—rather we strongly encourage you to flesh out these concepts long before your wedding day. Premarital counseling can be extremely helpful here, or simply write out a list of how you perceive your life together—compare notes, and begin to plan together. Even something as simple as who does the dishes can be a topic of conversation that can save you from a fight down the road. Be honest with yourself about your expectations and consider their implications. In our video, we gave you a challenge to assist in identifying your relationship dreams and expectations. Check it out here!
4. What should I expect in our first year of marriage?
There are hundreds of articles about this topic on google. Literally. It seems the general consensus is its either the hardest year of your life, or the best, or both. Why is it like this? Though this relationship has been sought after and planned, it is chock full of new experiences and compromise. So how do you navigate it? With great humility, grace, and a lot of laughter. Many people will give advice as you approach your wedding day—some good advice and some you may chuckle at down the road—but instead of offering advice, we wish to encourage you. We know there will be amazing days ahead; we know there will be hard days ahead. We lived them too. So to reiterate a point made at the beginning of this article: make it your own, together. Every couple is different, just like every person is different. What works for your friend or what worked for your family growing up, may not work for the two of you. And that is okay. If you pursue each other, and pursue the Lord, the rest will follow. Be ready to love abundantly and forgive quickly. Check out our last video of the series here.