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What comes to mind when you think about peace? A beautiful sunset? Visions of calm seas or bubbling creeks? Poets and artists over the centuries have tried to grasp and put words or imagery to this somewhat elusive concept of peace. But the truth is, the peace we seek to satisfy our souls has nothing to do with beautiful scenery or even happy circumstances. A favorite hymn comes to mind…
When peace like a river, attendeth my way, When sorrows like sea billows roll Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say It is well, it is well, with my soul
What kind of peace this must be to satisfy the very core of a human being. And in the face of the trials and sorrows and conflicts and emptiness that this life so often delivers, it is no wonder we spend so much time and energy desperately seeking it. Of course, our pursuit manifests in different ways and so we often don’t recognize our fellow seekers. If we did, we would likely have much more grace to offer as we stumble over each other, all pursuing the same tranquil reassurance of love and security and purpose. Nevertheless, for some of us it looks like academic research and philosophical discussions. For others, it looks like experimenting with different religions. For still others, it may look like severe anxiety or marital conflict or a disagreeable attitude. When you desperately desire peace and can’t seem to find it ANYWHERE, it is easy to find yourself feeling frustrated and at odds with the world. And so it is not difficult to imagine that married couples whose souls are in turmoil often find themselves avoiding conflict, holding grudges, making snarky remarks, keeping secrets, and withdrawing from each other.
Of course, these marital troubles don’t always stem just from lack of peace within individuals or within a marriage, but it is certainly a common root. It’s hard to be humble when you don’t feel secure. It’s hard to forgive when you are burdened with shame. It’s hard to be respectful when you feel small. So, first and foremost, we have to define what sort of peace we are seeking and how far we are willing to go to obtain it. If it’s a soul-satisfying, purpose-filled kind of peace that transcends circumstances, you’ll only find it by looking to the cross. Jesus promised trouble in this world, but he also assured us that He has already ultimately overcome it all (John 16:33).
If you have experienced this kind of divine peace, and find yourself wondering how your marriage or family life still seems chaotic, this is where some helpful reminders and practical steps come in. If we can focus our efforts on being cheerful givers – of our time, emotions, words, finances, and affections – to our spouses, we will undoubtedly reap a bountiful harvest, in this case in the form of peaceful homes. I think the best and simplest way to go about this is to “keep in step with the Spirit” (Galatians 5:16). Please keep in mind I did not say easy! Let’s be honest – none of this is easy. But I do believe it is worth it. So, keeping in step with the spirit – meaning, sowing the fruit of the spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control) in our daily lives. Of course fill in the particulars for your own life, but maybe for you this means choosing to find joy in a frustrating situation with your child. Or biting your tongue when your spouse shrinks yet another blouse of yours in the dryer. Or finally finding time to sit down and work out a mutually agreeable budget that will allow you to be more generous with your income. Maybe it means verbalizing your gratitude instead of assuming your spouse knows how grateful you are or planning to have that 5 minute date with your spouse every day. It’s about being intentional with what you are sowing so that your harvest yields fewer unexpected (and unwanted) crops. Peace is what we experience when, even in the midst of pain or sorrow, we find assurance in the arms of our husbands and wives (echoes of the ultimate assurance of Jesus) that we are secure, we are loved, and we are not alone. It is in those moments that it finally makes sense to say, it is indeed well with my soul.