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Yes. Our answer is a resounding yes. For us, its easy to name off the pros of a lifelong relationship, as we are marriage therapists, after all. A healthy marriage provides all the benefits of secure attachment, safe vulnerability, and companionship. But then, when we look at the statistics of the rate of new marriages—numbers are down from ten years ago. Couples, primarily Millenials, are choosing to forgo the nuptials and cohabitate till death do them part, or at the very least—a break-up. Even those that make it down the aisle report living together before tying the knot—causing a increase in the average age of first marriages—30 for men and 28 for women (according to the CDC).
So what is it that delays marriage, or rejects the idea altogether? In our video last Friday, Kalie and I discussed some popular ideas—like failing at it, not ending up with your soulmate, ruining your children should you divorce, and so many more. Head over to our Facebook page to hear more about those. These fears are completely valid, clearly as many are hopping on this bandwagon. Though the divorce rate as a whole has gone down, it is still commonplace to have family members or close friends who are divorced. Why would we want to commit to a relationship that could leave us broken and alone?
The answer to that question is the purpose for this article. While there are many benefits for marriage, some scientific, spiritual, and emotional; but below are two specific items that bring value to marriage. For more benefits—check out our video from last week!
When Adam was first in the Garden of Eden, he was without a companion. God said it was not good for him to be alone, so he created Eve for him. It is said they became one flesh. Now we all know what comes next—Eve listens to the snake, convinces her husband to eat the fruit, and then they are banished from the garden to experience the hardships of life. So here is reason #1: Companionship. For Better or For Worse. When life hits the fan, you have a partner to both support and be supported by. Of course, this kind of companionship can occur outside the legal contract of marriage, but when it exists inside a marriage relationship there is safety in it. There is security. When a relationship exists with a consistent goal of strengthening that relationship, working towards greater intimacy, it feels safe to trust in its permanency.
Benefit #2 is the revelation that comes when you love your partner unconditionally, regardless of flaws, and find yourself putting their needs above your own. This form of self-sacrifice is greater than ourselves and is not a natural, human state of being. Rather, one could say the practice of sacrificial love comes purely from Jesus, as He modeled it in His love of His people. When we give of ourselves in marriage, we are dedicating our heart, mind, and soul to the pursuit of this individual, regardless of our momentary feelings, regardless of today’s circumstances. We are choosing to say, “I’m going to pursue you, every day, for the rest of my days.”
At the root of our human nature, we desire to be known and to be loved. These two desires of our heart are touched with the purpose and structure of a marriage relationship. Though only Jesus can fully satisfy the desires of our heart, God’s design for marriage gives us the opportunity to experience His love and achieve intimacy with someone so precious to us.
So we say, marriage is worth it. It is worth all the bumps and bruises that may occur along the way. It is worth the difficult conversations and awkward moments. It is worth the sacrifice and compromise. Marriage is worth it.