top of page

Selfish or Self-Care?

First step to overcoming a problem?  Admitting you have a problem. 

*Deep breath*  I have a problem with self-care.  On a long list of my daily to-dos, taking care of myself ranks somewhere off the list.  As a mom, my kids come first.  As a wife, my husband comes first.  As a resident of a home, my vacuum comes first.  And on and on it goes. 

Is this normal?  Our society would say this is virtuous, ambitious, having it all.  There is this unspoken notion among women that we are defined by our ability to pursue a career, have a healthy family, and look good doing it.  Its living the American dream—work hard and all your dreams will come true.  But what happens if along the way, while working hard at one dream, you’ve sacrificed other dreams?

Regardless of normalcy, this is not always healthy.  Somewhere, something has to give, and it is often with ourselves.  We sacrifice quality sleep, date nights, eating healthy, or taking time out of our day to do those things we love.  I will admit, I fall into this category.  I run on too little sleep and lots of coffee.  I sometimes fall into that category of missing that opportunity to have a meaningful kiss with my husband in order to load the dishwasher before the babysitter arrives, because my house must be clean for a teenager *eyeroll*.  I sometimes fall into that category of staying up way too late to work on a project for work, then out of exhaustion respond to my husband and my kids with short answers and “not right nows.”  There is nothing wrong with having dreams and working hard to pursue them—but finding that balance of self-sacrifice and self-care is critical to maintaining your mental health, your family, and your marriage!  

So, what is self-care?  This author writes that self care is an activity this is engaged in deliberately and consistently in order to improve our emotional, mental, and physical health.  This can range from exercise to journaling, enjoying that glass of wine or limiting social plans to have a good night’s sleep.  This same author writes that it is important to engage in self-care every single day.  But so often, I hear people say taking time for themselves is selfish or frivolous.  This type of thinking perpetuates that cycle of giving too much of yourself without any giving to yourself.  Think of it like a cup--Every time you give to another person, a little water runs out.  The cup is not bottomless, so eventually you have no more water.  Self-care adds water to your cup, maintaining your ability to give to other people! 

Here are some suggestions of self-care—for you and for me: 

  1. SLEEP:  Research tells us we need between 7 to 9 hours of sleep a night.  That’s a lot of hours—I generally fall in the 5 to 6 category.  But try setting a reasonable bedtime and stick to it! 

  2. ENJOY LIFE:  Whether it’s a date night, a weekly bubble bath, or sitting in the sunshine for 5 minutes a day—find those things in life that refuel you.  These are the small things that fill your cup back up to give you the ability to maintain.  Do something every day that refuels you! 

  3. BOUNDARIES:  Sometimes we have to say no.  Be realistic with your limits and acknowledge when you need to real it back in.  Quality time with your spouse is critical to a healthy, thriving marriage.  If your calendar is overbooked, scale back and set boundaries with others to give you those opportunities.

  4. EXERCISE:  It may seem counterproductive to add one more thing to your to do list in an effort to improve self-care—but there is no denying the benefits of exercise.  Research tells us exercise is not just beneficial for physical health, but also for mental and emotional health.  Give it a whirl!

  5. PRIORITIZE:  We all have our priorities in life—they generally start close to home. In my own life, I know I cannot practice good self-care without pursuing a consistent relationship with Christ.  We have written before about intentionally scheduling time with your spouse, the same is true of time spent in devotion or meditation.  When study is consistent—it seems that priorities fall into place, stresses or anxieties become smaller, and peace is increased.  “My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.”  Psalm 62:1-2

So, now that we have admitted our problem—what will we do about it?  How will you engage in self-care this week?

bottom of page