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Have you ever heated up a morning cup of coffee for the fifth time and wondered if you’ll ever be able to enjoy an uninterrupted cup of your favorite (hot) pour-over again? Or sat down at the end of the day and just thanked God that you survived the day without becoming totally unraveled? Different seasons look differently for all of us, but whether you have toddlers at home or teens, the feeling of overwhelming chaos is all too familiar. When did we get so busy? When did it become normal to drink burnt, microwaved coffee on the regular? When did the competition for who can be the best mom martyr out there begin? Maybe there are lots of different answers to these questions, but I’m more interested in what I think we’ve lost sight of and what is perhaps the root of the problem: joy.
I think we all have our own way of describing joy based on our experiences and belief systems, but Merriam-Webster defines joy as “a state of happiness or felicity; a source or cause of delight.” I love the word delight. When was the last time you truly delighted in something, enjoyed something purely for the sake of enjoyment? If it’s been a while, it’s important to ask ourselves why. Are we too busy? Are we too tired? Do we feel guilty or selfish for taking time for our own pleasure?
Whatever your answer to this question, what often results from this lack of delight or joy is chronic discouragement, exhaustion, tension, anxiety – I could go on and on. So how do we choose joy in the chaos? I think it starts with deciding that it is important. If we think it’s a nice idea, but unrealistic or insignificant, then we will continue to trudge on, maybe hoping things will be better tomorrow or telling ourselves that this difficult season will pass. But if you desire to experience joy in your life, my friend, read on.
While there is no formulaic answer for this problem, and though like all things worthwhile in life it requires effort, I want to urge you to press on because we were made to experience joy! If joy is a “source or cause of delight,” what is the source of joy?
“You have loved righteousness and hated wickedness. Therefore God, your God, has anointed you with the oil of gladness beyond your companions” (Psalm 45:7, ESV).
I believe that God created humans to experience delight ultimately in Him, but we can do this in many different ways. The first order of business is to make sure you are spending regular time in His presence – if He is the source of joy, then what could be more needful than spending 10 minutes daily in His Word? I am convinced that this alone has the power to transform your day. But because we are so out of practice in experiencing joy, I think we must pursue it more aggressively throughout our days and weeks as well. “A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones” (Proverbs 17:22, ESV). When a doctor prescribes medicine, he or she usually prescribes it daily for a set amount of time, and we have to adhere to these instructions in order for the medicine to be effective. Likewise, we must find ways to administer small doses of joy throughout the day/week. Here are some concrete ideas to get you started:
Get a babysitter once a week and go to a coffee shop. Journal, read for pleasure (pure enjoyment – no work!), meditate on Scripture, listen to music.
Get up 30 minutes earlier than your normal time and enjoy that (pre-microwaved) mug of coffee before the kids wake up.
Take a nap.
Make a mid-afternoon cup of coffee or tea and sip it in peace.
Go for a walk/run outside (sans kids).
Date night!
6 second kiss with your spouse.
Go to bed early and get 8 hours of shut eye.
If you’ll notice, all of these ideas require that you do not include your children – this is not to say that children cannot bring you great joy! But how to experience joy with your children and family is a story for another day. For now, these are self-care tasks, ways to experience delight in the midst of what can seem to be an ordinary and yet tumultuous existence. So take heart, be encouraged, and pursue joy in your life today. Your kids and your spouse will notice, and thank you for it.
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope” (Romans 15:13, ESV).