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Instead of ringing in the New Year with an ambitious to-do list and a side of guilty conscience, I say we try something a little different to welcome 2019. Something that will hopefully enrich your marriage rather than temporarily boost your self-image. Now, please do not hear me saying that New Year’s resolutions are always bad – in fact, I am a huge proponent of goal setting! When done in a healthy and intentional way, goals for the year ahead can give structure to your dreams and, in many cases, make them a reality. However, I am proposing that we take a step back and look at the bigger picture, that we take stock of and set goals for our marriages and families, that we take time at the very start of the New Year to be intentional about our visions for the future.
Recently my husband and I were talking with dear friends of ours, whose marriage we greatly admire, and I found myself inspired once again by their deep love and respect for one another and by their staunch determination to stay connected over the years. While there are of course many variables, one simple yet profound thing they did that most certainly made a difference was to establish a yearly meeting. At the beginning of each new year, they picked a time to go away for one night – just the two of them. It was a time to look back and to look forward; a time to reconnect emotionally, spiritually, physically; and a time to set the tone for the coming year. Our friends talked about how much peace they experienced each year as they took time to set goals together and to “get on the same page” regarding their relationship, their kids, their careers, and their finances. By making this a yearly ritual, they prioritized their marriage, reinforced their complementary partnership, and established a safeguard against emotional distancing.
It’s not always easy to find the time to do this, and there will always be a million excuses for why you can’t (you’ve probably already had a few come to mind as you’ve been reading this post, right?), but this is one of the very best ways that you can put your best foot forward in the new year – for yourself, for your marriage, and for your family. If this is a particularly difficult season for you and your spouse to take a whole night away, then get away just for the day. If traveling is out of the question, then make plans for the kids and do it in the comfort of your own home. The point is, make it happen, and make it work for you. In this case, it takes a team to be a team. So grab your partner in crime, pull out your calendar, and plan your first annual New Year’s getaway (or whatever clever name you come up with for your yearly meeting)!
The following are some discussion questions to get you started:
What was the biggest thing you learned in the past year?
What are you most grateful for about the past year?
How did we do working toward our goals from the past year (if you are already in the habit of goal setting)?
What are you most looking forward to in the coming year?
What is something we did really well in our relationship this past year?
What is one thing we could do to improve our relationship in the coming year?
What do we want to accomplish in the next year (think personal goals, career decisions, finances, etc.)?
What financial goals would we like to set for the coming year?
Where would we like to go on vacation in the coming year?
How can we be encouraging each of our children in his/her gifts, struggles, goals, spiritual journey?